First Day Back

I found out this morning that my dad had a stroke. Mild, but that's just a word they use so you won't freak out. Luckily, at breakfast, I had a good friend keeping me sane and making me laugh. I ate sensibly, an english muffin, an egg, 1 slice of cheese, a piece of canadian bacon.

As the day wore on, I forgot to eat. But when I did, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (reduced fat peanut butter) on wheat, some low-fat cottage cheese with salsa, and a yogurt.

My boss later brought in my favorite cookies on the planet -- oatmeal, chocolate chip from the bakery down the block in Newtonville, MA (if you're ever on Walnut St., check it out). But I haven't eaten one yet. ...Though boy it's tempting to ease my tension with that.

My boyfriend is making me dinner tonight -- a gift, and a way to take my mind off things. He gets adamant about doing things for me when I get upset. He's going to make my favorite food in the whole wide world for me tonight -- mac & cheese with hot dogs.

Yes, not exactly diet food. And yes, it's a problem that I use food in this way. That I turn to it when things go wrong.

Well, that's why I'm 20 pounds overweight, isn't it? Hmph.

Day 1 - good or bad? I can't tell. Good so far, but the mac & cheese is looking to make up for the calories I've saved during the day. And of course, as spaced-out, muzzy-headed, upset as I am over my dad -- no gym is happening today either.

The right response? Gym to build endorphins and get out all my anxiety and tears. A nice healthy dinner of chicken, greens and brown rice so I don't, on top of feeling bad about my dad, feel bad about myself.

Sigh. This unhealthy eating really does feel like a cycle that'll never end.