What the hell does Vivianno even mean?

I'm assuming it's some sort of flourishing version of "life". Which, compared to the other heavy coffees and sugar, caloric, syruppy goodness at Starbucks, it's sorta spot on.

But let's examine what Starbucks considers a life-giving force:

Calories: 270

Pretty bad when you consider a Grande Mocha Light Frappuccino has half that! What kind of freaking life force is this? I don't trust a life force that wants to make me fat under the guise of being a health nut.

Saturated Fat: 2.5g out of 5g Total Fat

Ok. That's half! Half is bad! ESPECIALLY bad when you consider that a Grande Mocha Light Frappuccino has 0g of Saturated Fat and only 1g of Total Fat! What a sham!

Ok, but surely it has more protein, less cholesterol and sugars, and more fiber and vitamins, yes?

Carbohydrates: 44g

Let's just halve that, shall we, for the Mocha Light. All that sugary yummoness in a Mocha Light Frapp and still less carbs? Get outta town!

Protein: 21g

Ah, there's the rub. With that protein powder add, the Vivianno has an edge over Mocha Light's meager 6g of Protein. But it's in the running with its 6g Fiber content, the Mocha Light having just 2g less.

And while the Vitamin A & C, the Calcium and the Iron contents are all more in the Vivianno, let's be honest -- we're not REALLY having the Vivianno because we need vitamins. We're having it because it's got chocolate and bananas in it and it says Vivianno with nice pastel colors and claims to be healthy while also delicious. We're probably more likely to get our Vitamins elsewhere throughout the day.

So why get a Vivianno? Who the hell knows. If you're going for chocolate anyway, go for a Mocha Light Frapp. The girl next in line may be a bit smug after you order your frapp and she orders a Vivianno, thinking herself healthfully superior. But try and keep from shouting at her -- you are right, and she is wrong. Now go enjoy your lower-cal, lower-fat, lower-cab drink with lower-guilt.